Hello, there I am again!
Less than twelve hours ago I wrote my first blog post, and I'm back already. I enjoyed writing my first post and this morning I was thinking about insecurities. So what did I do? I thought "what the hell" and clicked on the "create new post" button. I don't know who will read this, but I'm still kinda nervous about publishing this blog post because it means I now really have to prove myself.
To who? To myself. I also hope that if there are people who read this, I will help them with this post.
My "normal" style I wear to school is just jeans and a T-shirt or tanktop. Sometimes I dare to wear a skirt, but that's it. Do I like it? Yeah, I like that I'm comfortable in it and that I don't have to worry about other people's opinions. But yesterday it hit me: do I like the way I LOOK? And no, I don't. I think it's too average. Every morning when I get dressed, I look in the mirror and think by myself: "Meh. I think it's okay again." But I want myself to think "I LOVE the way I look today!". I always see people on the internet wearing things I would love to own and wear. For example: Zoella, CutiePieMarzia and Kalel Cullen. I love Kalel's style the most, with a lot of cute and lacey things, high socks, and not caring if other people might think it's too short or something, because SHE knows it's not showing anything private she doesn't want to show. I would LOVE to dress the way she does. WHATEVER she's wearing, I always think "Oh my god, I want it" when I see her. But why do I keep dressing the way I always do, when I want to dress differently? Insecurities.
Everyone has them.
(Source: Kalel's blog http://frillyandfancy.blogspot.nl/search/label/fashion)
Yesterday I decided to wear something different to school today. I chose for galaxy leggings I ordered online a couple of years ago, cause I thought they looked cool, and a top with a kitten on it with a black cardigan. I combined it with regular black shoes and I actually love the way I look now, cause it's different from just jeans. And 99% of the internet population will probably just say it's one of the most normal looks they've ever seen. But on a school where almost everybody wears jeans and a
T-shirt, tanktop or sweater, it looks kind of different. Especially when you're one of the girls who never even tried something different before. And it's not like I'm scared to wear something tight, I am satisfied with my body. I actually feel like I could gain some weight. But I'm afraid of the word
Yesterday, I felt convinced and comfortable about it. But this morning I sat in my room for 20 minutes, doing nothing but thinking if it wasn't too daring. I kept trying to convince myself that if I saw someone wearing it myself, I wouldn't think it's weird and I would love the person for wearing it. But something in me gave me the feeling that if I would wear it, all I would see is people with judging faces, maybe they would even be laughing at me.
But then I told myself that that's ridiculous and walked downstairs as confident as I could.
The thing is that I have to leave for school in an hour and that I'm still superscared to go out of my comfortzone. I feel like when you read this, you'll be thinking: "Just leggings? What's so different about leggings?". The difference is: I never wear them. But I want to, starting now. From now on, I will always try to wear something I may not be as confident about, but definitely love. I think I'm also writing this blog post to distract myself from wanting to run upstairs and change into jeans.
But the main reason is, for whoever is reading this:
You're the most beautiful when you feel like it, not when you think you look "acceptable", like I always did.
It's a tiny start, but from now on, I am going to do everything with that motto in my head. I am, among with other things, going to use this blog to help myself with it.
I really want to try to keep up with it. I am now telling myself: I don't want to be the "acceptable" girl.
I want to be just me.