First of all: HOW WAS YOUR CHRISTMAS? Sadly, Christmas is now over but I hope it was your best Christmas ever! Second of all: I had a realisation moment today about how soon it's 2015 already! I know everyone says it, but 2014 has gone by so quickly. Personally, I'm always very VERY excited about the new year, because soon 2014 will just be another chapter of my life and 2015 is a fresh new chapter, with all kinds of new surprises ahead of me. On twitter I was talking to two girls,
(@LivieSlater and @velvetlindley_ ) who gave me the idea to do a blog post about what was amazing about 2014 and what I want to change in 2015. I loved this idea, so here I am, sitting in bed at 1:43 AM, thinking about what I want to do to make my life better in the next year.
I already told you about how excited I get for a new year. But once you start thinking about it, it's also really scary to start a new year. What if this year is going to be that horrible year that I would never want to think about again? My 2015 contains GCSE's and college. What if I fail? What if i pass, but hate the college I chose and just ruin a year of my life with it? Or even worse stuff that could happen: what if I'm going to lose people I love, or a war will start? I don't really want to think about all that. But most of the time when I do think about bad stuff that could happen in the new year, I tell myself that there are a lot more positive things that could happen than negative things. And you can do most of the positive things on your own, and that's how you can make your year a great year, even when bad stuff happens!
The only problem is that I didn't do that this year. YEP, jumping straight into the stuff I could've done differently what would've made 2014 better than it was. If you've read my other blog posts, or maybe just the one before this one, you'll know that I'm a very, VERY insecure person. Whenever something bad happened this year, I would just make myself even more sad by telling myself that it's all my own fault and I should've kept things to myself. For example, whenever I had problems with friends. Some of them can get a bit cranky really quickly, so whenever I would stand up for myself or just try to tell them that I didn't like something, they would already get a bit annoyed, and I would notice that and it made me feel terrible. So after hiding under my blankets for a while telling myself that I'm an idiot for even opening my mouth about it, I would promise myself I would never speak up anymore in a situation like that. And I wouldn't, and it would indeed prevent drama, but even that made me feel insecure. The thoughts that would go through my head after something like that happened, would be "Why are you such a whimp? You're afraid of telling your own friends what you really think." Aaaand I would feel exactly the same way as I did before. In the new year, I don't want to tell myself that I should shut my mouth or that I'm a total loser. I want to tell myself that I should be able to speak up against my friends, and if they don't agree, then they're apparently not good friends. I know that that will be really difficult, but I want to try. The ironic part is that maybe I should start doing that now, but tonight actually was one of those nights when I'm just alone in bed feeling worse and worse about myself.
I think that's the biggest thing that pops up into my head when I try to think of stuff I wish I did differently in 2014. Ofcourse, there is stuff like "try to finish my homework in time" and "stop wasting so much money" and "eating healthier", but we all know that as a girl, sixteen years old, that's not going to change in the next year. Although I would like to change all of those three things as well.
So my main new years resolution is to be more confident. More confident in the way I live, but also more confident about the way I look. That's one thing I've already started doing! Lately I've gotten up earlier and putting more effort into my hair and make-up, and it is actually paying off, since I don't cringe when I walk past a mirror anymore, but actually kinda like the way I look now.
WELL after all that ranting about what I did wrong in my eyes and what I want to change, there ARE actually a few things I'm really happy about how they went in 2014.
The first thing is the fact that my new years resolution for 2014 was to become a vegetarian. And guess what? I still am! I'm really grateful for my mum cooking the meat seperately for me so I can just enjoy the meals my family is having, but just without the meat in it. If you're considering becoming a vegetarian as well: I say go for it! It might seem hard at the beginning, but after a while you will actually be disgusted by the look of meat. I know I am. And now I just know that I will never eat meat again for my entire life. I just can't, I already feel sick when I'm watching a cooking show and they're cutting or cooking meat.
I also got pretty good grades this year AND got a job which I actually enjoy doing! And with that job came new colleagues, which I can now call good friends as well. I really hope these three things will stay in the new year.
Writing a blog post really helps getting things off my chest and convincing myself that I actually am able to do stuff I want, and that I am not worthless. At the beginning of this evening, I didn't even feel like trying to make 2015 a good year. I kind of gave up. But while writing this blog post, I convinced myself into trying to be more confident and to keep doing what I'm proud of doing this year. That's why I REALLY want to keep writing blog posts in 2015. <3
So those were the main things that sum up my 2014. Things I'm not that proud of, but also some that I'm really happy about. I really hope that whoever is reading this, it will help you to feel inspired to make YOUR 2015 amazing as well. Please comment what sums up your 2014, the good and bad stuff. It helped me to feel good about the new year, and it probably will help you too. c:
And if you don't, I wish you a very very happy new year and a great 2015! <3