Let's make 2015 amazing!

Hello!

First of all: HOW WAS YOUR CHRISTMAS? Sadly, Christmas is now over but I hope it was your best Christmas ever! Second of all: I had a realisation moment today about how soon it's 2015 already! I know everyone says it, but 2014 has gone by so quickly. Personally, I'm always very VERY excited about the new year, because soon 2014 will just be another chapter of my life and 2015 is a fresh new chapter, with all kinds of new surprises ahead of me. On twitter I was talking to two girls, 

(@LivieSlater and @velvetlindley_ ) who gave me the idea to do a blog post about what was amazing about 2014 and what I want to change in 2015. I loved this idea, so here I am, sitting in bed at 1:43 AM, thinking about what I want to do to make my life better in the next year.

I already told you about how excited I get for a new year. But once you start thinking about it, it's also really scary to start a new year. What if this year is going to be that horrible year that I would never want to think about again? My 2015 contains GCSE's and college. What if I fail? What if i pass, but hate the college I chose and just ruin a year of my life with it? Or even worse stuff that could happen: what if I'm going to lose people I love, or a war will start? I don't really want to think about all that. But most of the time when I do think about bad stuff that could happen in the new year, I tell myself that there are a lot more positive things that could happen than negative things. And you can do most of the positive things on your own, and that's how you can make your year a great year, even when bad stuff happens!

The only problem is that I didn't do that this year. YEP, jumping straight into the stuff I could've done differently what would've made 2014 better than it was. If you've read my other blog posts, or maybe just the one before this one, you'll know that I'm a very, VERY insecure person. Whenever something bad happened this year, I would just make myself even more sad by telling myself that it's all my own fault and I should've kept things to myself. For example, whenever I had problems with friends. Some of them can get a bit cranky really quickly, so whenever I would stand up for myself or just try to tell them that I didn't like something, they would already get a bit annoyed, and I would notice that and it made me feel terrible. So after hiding under my blankets for a while telling myself that I'm an idiot for even opening my mouth about it, I would promise myself I would never speak up anymore in a situation like that. And I wouldn't, and it would indeed prevent drama, but even that made me feel insecure. The thoughts that would go through my head after something like that happened, would be "Why are you such a whimp? You're afraid of telling your own friends what you really think." Aaaand I would feel exactly the same way as I did before. In the new year, I don't want to tell myself that I should shut my mouth or that I'm a total loser. I want to tell myself that I should be able to speak up against my friends, and if they don't agree, then they're apparently not good friends. I know that that will be really difficult, but I want to try. The ironic part is that maybe I should start doing that now, but tonight actually was one of those nights when I'm just alone in bed feeling worse and worse about myself.

I think that's the biggest thing that pops up into my head when I try to think of stuff I wish I did differently in 2014. Ofcourse, there is stuff like "try to finish my homework in time" and "stop wasting so much money" and "eating healthier", but we all know that as a girl, sixteen years old, that's not going to change in the next year. Although I would like to change all of those three things as well.

So my main new years resolution is to be more confident. More confident in the way I live, but also more confident about the way I look. That's one thing I've already started doing! Lately I've gotten up earlier and putting more effort into my hair and make-up, and it is actually paying off, since I don't cringe when I walk past a mirror anymore, but actually kinda like the way I look now.

WELL after all that ranting about what I did wrong in my eyes and what I want to change, there ARE actually a few things I'm really happy about how they went in 2014.

The first thing is the fact that my new years resolution for 2014 was to become a vegetarian. And guess what? I still am! I'm really grateful for my mum cooking the meat seperately for me so I can just enjoy the meals my family is having, but just without the meat in it. If you're considering becoming a vegetarian as well: I say go for it! It might seem hard at the beginning, but after a while you will actually be disgusted by the look of meat. I know I am. And now I just know that I will never eat meat again for my entire life. I just can't, I already feel sick when I'm watching a cooking show and they're cutting or cooking meat. 

I also got pretty good grades this year AND got a job which I actually enjoy doing! And with that job came new colleagues, which I can now call good friends as well. I really hope these three things will stay in the new year. 

Writing a blog post really helps getting things off my chest and convincing myself that I actually am able to do stuff I want, and that I am not worthless. At the beginning of this evening, I didn't even feel like trying to make 2015 a good year. I kind of gave up. But while writing this blog post, I convinced myself into trying to be more confident and to keep doing what I'm proud of doing this year. That's why I REALLY want to keep writing blog posts in 2015. <3

So those were the main things that sum up my 2014. Things I'm not that proud of, but also some that I'm really happy about. I really hope that whoever is reading this, it will help you to feel inspired to make YOUR 2015 amazing as well. Please comment what sums up your 2014, the good and bad stuff. It helped me to feel good about the new year, and it probably will help you too. c:

And if you don't, I wish you a very very happy new year and a great 2015! <3

Insecurities pt. 2

Hiya! Guess who's back.. back.. back.. Back aga- 

Okay, I'll stop right away with that.

I'm not exactly sure why I stopped blogging in the first place. Time issues I guess. And I know I will get time issues again, since I'm in my final year of secondary school. So I won't be posting something every week. Although I will try, I know at some point I won't be able to do that. Also, if I hadn't done that in another post, I apologize for bad grammar here and there. English is my best course but it's not my main language. I hope I won't screw it up too much. Bear with me. 

But the title of this post isn't about me picking up blogging again. It's about insecurities, part 2, to be specific. I want to write about this because of my own insecurities, once again.

The last post I did about insecurities was mainly about clothes and dressing the way you want. This one is more about the way you live your life and what will happen to you in the future. A little deeper than the last one, I know. At the moment there's this boy I met on a night out about three weeks ago. I kinda like him and we have talked since we met. But right now, I'm scared he will never reply to me anymore. And it's not the first time that I think that. He has been online and he has read the message I sent, and my insecurities already took over and made me send another 2 or 3 messages. I know, I know, it's bad. And whenever I send something while he didn't respond to another message yet, I feel bad about it right after I send it. My mind goes: "Oh my god, he still didn't respond but he has been online like 5 times. What if he hates me? Or what if he just read the message, then went to do something else and then forgot about it? I'm going to send something after it, and if he responds I know he doesn't hate me, and if he doesn't respond to that either he probably hates me.". And right after I send something, my mind goes: "I shouldn't have done that. Now he's gonna see me as a stalker. Now he definitely won't respond. And what if he really doesn't respond and I was right? What if he DOES hate me? I don't even want to know that.". (I know, I know, typical teen girl behavior, and if he does hate me I should probably just stop giving attention to him, but it's DIFFICULT.)

And then after like a day, that whole thing repeats itself. And now you're probably thinking: But if he doesn't respond for that long, why are you still bothering? There are two reasons. The first one is that he HAS responded to me after like two days in the past, and then we had a very nice and fun conversation and he wasn't annoyed or something like that, which makes me think that the extra messages actually did help. (Silly me.). And the second reason is that he has had surgery, and sometimes he just doesn't respond because he still feels very ill because of the surgery. He told me a couple of days ago he feels better now, but now when he doesn't respond, I try to comfort myself by thinking

 "He probably has a bad day or something". 

Anyway, that is what my brain can't stop thinking about lately and it's absolutely driving me MAD. But while I'm typing this, I also think more and more: WHY ON EARTH DO I WORRY ABOUT THIS SO MUCH? I'm a girl, sixteen years old, and all I can worry about right now is a BOY. It's so typical. And still, even while right now all I'm thinking is "Just forget about him", I can't. It's like I have two people living in my head. One of them is the typical dumb teenage girl, who freaks out about everything and won't accept it when someone doesn't like her because it'll crush her. The other one is the responsible, smart and calm woman, who knows it isn't the end of the world if he will never text back and that I've got plenty of time to find the perfect guy. But for one stupid reason, the dumb teenage girl always wins from the calm woman. And that reason is INSECURITIES. This whole story is just an example, but the situation with the two people in my head and the calm one always losing to the one who freaks out, happens so often, and it makes me mad. I know there are so so so so many people dealing with this, and I'm not saying it's something terrible that will haunt you for the rest of your life. You can overcome it, it's just really hard. But how ridiculous is it, that when you have two options, freaking the fuck out or remaining calm and knowing it will all be okay, YOU ALWAYS GO FOR THE FIRST ONE. Not because you want to, but when you choose for remaining calm, you will still freak out in the back of your head. If anyone reading this has tips about staying calm, and maybe even tips about the whole situation with the guy I described, please comment them. :') The other "insecurities" post I did ended on a positive note, with me encouraging people to overcome their insecurities and just DO what you want to do, but to be honest, I don't really know how to overcome this, so I was hoping people who read this might be able to help! I am not going to read this post after I finish it, because then I will have to delete parts of it because I think it'll look stupid and I don't want that, because I wrote how I feel about it and I want that all to be in it, so I'm sorry if you discover spelling mistakes :'). I will try to make my next post more fun, and not about serious life stuff. :P Thank you for reading!

London, baby!

I'm going to London in a couple of days, and I COULDN'T BE MORE EXCITED. I live in a very small village, so to be going to such a town as London makes me REAALLY happy! Sad thing is, we only have one afternoon of free time. I'm going there with school so most of it is looking at museums and stuff. Which isn't bad, I mean, we're still in LONDON. But I don't have a lot of time to do all the things there that I'm actually planning on. My plans: Going to Superdrug,  Primark (!!!) and WHSmith or Waterstones. Why, you ask? Oooh I will tell you!

At first, I want to go to Superdrug because of Tanya Burr Lips and Nails. YouTubers again, huh? Yeah. One of my absolute favorite YouTubers is Tanya Burr, a British girl who makes video about beauty, but also just fun video's with her friends, cooking video's, I could go on for a while. She has her own make-up line of lipglosses and nailpolishes, which, if you don't live in England, you can order online HERE. A couple of days ago, I didn't even realize I'm going to England. WHERE I CAN JUST BUY THESE THINGS I'VE WANTED FOR AGES IN STORES. I've got one Tanya Burr lipgloss and one of her nailpolishes, but when I get acces to buy them all, I probably will. And I couldn't be more excited.

If you don't know Tanya, which is doubtful, but I'm not judging. (Okay, judging a little bit.) You can check her out on YouTube or go to her blog. Her YouTube is 

www.youtube.com/pixi2woo

 and her blog is 

www.tanyaburr.co.uk 

CHECK HER OUT! :D

(click here for image source)

(click here for image source)

The next thing that I'm planning on going to is Primark, which is pretty obvious, I think. Again, I live in a very small town and the nearest Primark (which opened only a couple of weeks ago) is an hour and a half away. Without a driver's license, getting there isn't the easiest thing. I can't WAIT to go to the Primark in London, because it's so different from where I live and I don't get to go to Primark a lot. 

The last thing has to do with YouTubers AGAIN. Not even embarassed. It's about The Pointless Book, something similar to Tanya Burr cosmetics, but.. eh.. Bookform. Alfie Deyes, also known as Pointlessblog on YouTube, has brought out a book. (Which you can also order HERE.) It's kinda similar to Wreck This Journal, but I personally think it's better, cause there are also fun things in there like "How to bake a cake in a mug". Ofcourse, I also think it's better because someone I am a fan of has made it. Alfie does daily vlogs, and just all kinds of video's, now that I think about it. I am probably going to run into that bookstore as fast as I can and buy the first Pointless Book I can find. (And probably make a selfie with it.) 

Alfie's YouTube channel is:

www.youtube.com/pointlessblog

(click here for image source)

(click here for image source)

I'm sure a lot of people are going to think it is weird that when I go to London, I have only three stores in mind where I want to go, one of which is a bookstore. But I just love YouTubers so much and I can't wait to buy their stuff. You also must be thinking: "Why do you want to buy all these things in store when you can order them?" Because it's SO EASY THAT WAY. You'll have it right away, you won't have problems with shipping and paymethods and all. I could just take it off the shelf, walk to the counter, pay for it and then IT'LL BE MINE! The thing is, I hope I will be able to go to all those places in one afternoon. I have no clue where everything In London is and I'm very scared that none of the things I want to go to are close to eachother. Nonetheless, I'm very excited to go to such a huge, beautiful place as London and I hope I'm gonna have a great time. I'm going to make a lot of pictures there and I probably am gonna post them right here! If you live in London/have been there, please comment where I should go to as well! c:

Little things of joy!

Everybody has had a moment in their life where they needed something to cheer them up. My God, I'm sure everybody has had plenty of those kind of moments. Lately, I've been having a lot of those. So I decided to make a list of all the things I use that can give me that extra little bit of happiness that will turn my mood around! 

(I was going to say: "turn that frown upside down!" But if I did that, I would have to kill myself afterwards.) 

I'm sure this won't help all the time, it doesn't always work for me, either. There are just moments in your life where you need to lie in your bed with all the food you can find and three packs of tissues. Those moments suck, believe me, I KNOW. But these little things are for when your mood is "fixable". c: 

1. Cuddles!

Well, according to the name of this blog, this one is pretty obvious, isn't it? CAT-CUDDLES! I love my cat to death and cuddling her can cheer me up so much. Most of the time when I'm sad and I pick her up, she cuddles up to me like she knows I need it. And, ofcourse, it doesn't have to be a cat. Most of the people have a pet, and just the love you get from an animal can really change a mood. If you don't have a pet: try hugging a stuffed animal. It may sound, look, or feel stupid, but believe me: it helps too! I'm a sixteen year old girl and I'm not embarassed to say that I sleep with a big pink turtle wearing a tutu. And that's not something everyone can say, I'm sure. 

2. YouTube!

Yeah.. well. If you've read another blog post of mine, you will know that this one is kinda obvious as well. I just love YouTubers. I watch more YouTube than regular TV. So when I feel like nobody should talk to me for a couple of hours, I'll start up my laptop (or phone, depends on where I am) and go straight to YouTube, where I'll watch all the new video's my favorite YouTubers uploaded. If there are no new video's OR I've finished watching all of them and I still don't feel like I should act social at that point, I will rewatch the old ones that are my favorite. Everytime a friend says he/she is sad and they want a cheer-up but they don't want to be around people, I tell them to go to YouTube. There are SO MANY different kind of video's, there are always ones you'll enjoy. Plus, while you're looking for video's you might like, you're already distracted from the thing that caused your sadness!

3. YOUR BED!

Really though, everybody on the internet is always "overreacting" about how much they want to be in their bed right now and that they never want to leave it again. THAT IS NOT OVERREACTING. My GOD I love my bed. Not kidding: My bed can change my mood in an instant. It's so COMFY and when I lie in my bed after a long day of school/work, it feels SO. GOOD. It's kinda bed, (HAHAHAHHA PUN.) but whenever I'm in my room, I will be lying in bed.. Do you think that's bed? (HAHAHAHHAH.) (Okay I'll stop now, people are gonna think I'm just horrible at spelling.)

4. Eating. Not even joking. I'm so hungry right now.

Eating can cheer me up so much. I'm SO unhealthy, and I want to try to do something about that, but when I get home from school, I can easily eat a whole bag of crisps. A couple of days ago, we celebrated our town and a friend of mine brought cakes. There were 6 left. Two days later, I had eaten them all. No shame. Although I did write this one down, I don't recommend it. As I said, it's very unhealthy if you eat bad stuff everytime you're sad. But it DOES help!

AND THEN WHEN YOU COMBINE IT ALL TOGETHER.. *gasp*

YOU HAVE ENTERED HEAVEN.

Yeah, these four things can cheer me up the most, especially when I'm watching YouTube while laying in bed, with my cat on my lap and stuffing some food in my face. 

Those were a couple of things that can REALLY cheer me up, next to my friends and family ofcourse, but I know there will be moments where I just want to be alone. I hope this gave you some ideas of what to do when you're feeling down. Feel free to comment what you do when you're in a weird depressed mood, I'm REALLY curious what kind of things you can do besides these. :)

xxxxxxx

Tiny update!

OKAY, HI!

"Where have you been?" Well, actually, nowhere. I just kind of "forgot" to blog, cause I'm totally not used to it. But since I've been very bored and had the feeling I should do something more productive and something I can focus on, I decided to give this another go! I love writing these posts, I just forget I can. This is a very, VERY tiny and VERY quick blog update, since it's kinda late and I have to sleep soon since I have school tomorrow. 

(Okay, well, this is great. It's a half an hour later now because I searched for that picture on google and got.. eh.. distracted.. *CAT PICTURES*)

So yeah, I'm gonna pick up blogging again and see where it goes. I hope you will enjoy it and that I am going to be better at it. :')

Goodnight for now! ♡

My YouTube addiction

Hi!

As I wrote last sunday, I'm not planning on having deadlines for when I have to write a new post, and I never know when I will write a new one. Just now, I was sitting on my bed and I felt like writing a blogpost, so that's what I'm doing right now! :D

I have been thinking about writing about my YouTube addiction for a couple of days now, just because I would love to write all about it. It started somewhere in the end of 2011, when a friend of mine introduced me to PewDiePie's video's. At that time, I didn't really understand what was so much fun about watching other people playing games. Back then, YouTube was just a place where you could find all the music you want to me. But I gave his video's a chance and I liked them more than I expected. In fact, I LOVED them. And that's where it all began..

For a long, looong time, I was only watching PewDiePie. After a year or so, I discovered Smosh. I know what you're thinking: All these YouTubers are the most mainstream YouTubers I could find back then. And they are! But I loved them, and I watched Smosh video's for hours. (I also didn't realize I could be a fan of multiple YouTubers at once, and felt like I was betraying PewDiePie. I didn't know yet that after a couple of years, my subscriptionbox would be overloaded.. Oh well.) When Marzia, PewDiePie's girlfriend, started making video's as well, I subscribed to her right away. (Ofcourse, as the gigantic fangirl that I was.. Okay, am. But I also just really like her video's!) I got really into the 'YouTube spirit' and found even more YouTubers like Tyler Oakley, Joey Graceffa, and WonderlandWardrobe. (Kalel Cullen, Who is Anthony from Smosh's girlfriend/fiancé.. Yeah.. The fangirl thing..) 

One day, I was watching all of Tyler Oakley's old video's that he uploaded while I wasn't subscribed to him yet, and I found a collaboration of him and Joe Sugg. (ThatcherJoe.) I liked it a lot, and I also loved the video they did on Joe's channel, but I didn't check out his channel yet. After a while, I found another collab of him and a British YouTuber, Marcus Butler. I did look at Marcus's channel, and I eventually subscribed to him. And if you're subscribed to one person of the "British gang", eventually, you'll be subscribed to all of them. ThatcherJoe, Marcus Butler, Jim Chapman, Zoella, Tanya Burr, PointlessBlog, SprinkleOfGlitter, etc. I could go on forever, I think. Right now, I have 52 subscriptions, which are, except for one or two, all channels that make video's every week or more. These are video's like collabs, gaming video's DIY's, vlogs, Q&A's, ALL KINDS OF VIDEO'S. AND IT'S LIKE HEAVEN TO ME. (I really have to work on the fangirl thing.)

So yeah, right now I can seriously admit that I've developed a YouTube addiction. All the people around me are probably annoyed by it, except for the ones who are also in love with YouTubers. Sorry! Just can't help it. heehee.

My biggest dream is to go to VidCon and/or Playlist Live and to make video's myself. Will it ever happen? I don't know.. We'll see.

For now it's just me.

Just meow.

Insecurities, everyone has them.

Hello, there I am again!

 Less than twelve hours ago I wrote my first blog post, and I'm back already. I enjoyed writing my first post and this morning I was thinking about insecurities. So what did I do? I thought "what the hell" and clicked on the "create new post" button. I don't know who will read this, but I'm still kinda nervous about publishing this blog post because it means I now really have to prove myself. 

To who? To myself. I also hope that if there are people who read this, I will help them with this post.

My "normal" style I wear to school is just jeans and a T-shirt or tanktop. Sometimes I dare to wear a skirt, but that's it. Do I like it? Yeah, I like that I'm comfortable in it and that I don't have to worry about other people's opinions. But yesterday it hit me: do I like the way I LOOK? And no, I don't. I think it's too average. Every morning when I get dressed, I look in the mirror and think by myself: "Meh. I think it's okay again." But I want myself to think "I LOVE the way I look today!". I always see people on the internet wearing things I would love to own and wear. For example: Zoella, CutiePieMarzia and Kalel Cullen. I love Kalel's style the most, with a lot of cute and lacey things, high socks, and not caring if other  people might think it's too short or something, because SHE knows it's not showing anything private she doesn't want to show. I would LOVE to dress the way she does. WHATEVER she's wearing, I always think "Oh my god, I want it" when I see her. But why do I keep dressing the way I always do, when I want to dress differently? Insecurities.

Everyone has them.

(Source: Kalel's blog http://frillyandfancy.blogspot.nl/search/label/fashion)

Yesterday I decided to wear something different to school today. I chose for galaxy leggings I ordered online a couple of years ago, cause I thought they looked cool, and a top with a kitten on it with a black cardigan. I combined it with regular black shoes and I actually love the way I look now, cause it's different from just jeans. And 99% of the internet population will probably just say it's one of the most normal looks they've ever seen. But on a school where almost everybody wears jeans and a

 T-shirt, tanktop or sweater, it looks kind of different. Especially when you're one of the girls who never even tried something different before. And it's not like I'm scared to wear something tight, I am satisfied with my body. I actually feel like I could gain some weight. But I'm afraid of the word
 "DIFFERENT". 

Yesterday, I felt convinced and comfortable about it. But this morning I sat in my room for 20 minutes, doing nothing but thinking if it wasn't too daring. I kept trying to convince myself that if I saw someone wearing it myself, I wouldn't think it's weird and I would love the person for wearing it. But something in me gave me the feeling that if I would wear it, all I would see is people with judging faces, maybe they would even be laughing at me. 

But then I told myself that that's ridiculous and walked downstairs as confident as I could.

The thing is that I have to leave for school in an hour and that I'm still superscared to go out of my comfortzone. I feel like when you read this, you'll be thinking: "Just leggings? What's so different about leggings?". The difference is: I never wear them. But I want to, starting now. From now on, I will always try to wear something I may not be as confident about, but definitely love. I think I'm also writing this blog post to distract myself from wanting to run upstairs and change into jeans. 

But the main reason is, for whoever is reading this: 

You're the most beautiful when you feel like it, not when you think you look "acceptable", like I always did.

It's a tiny start, but from now on, I am going to do everything with that motto in my head. I am, among with other things,  going to use this blog to help myself with it.

I really want to try to keep up with it. I am now telling myself: I don't want to be the "acceptable" girl.

I want to be just me.

Just meow.

So it begins..

Yeah.. hi!

So this is it. My blog. I have zero experience on writing a blog, I am not even English, so I'm probably going to make lots and lots of spelling and grammar mistakes, and right now I am literally writing this for probably only myself to read. And if there actually is somebody besides me who is reading this.. Hello there!

So, if you're the only one who's reading it, why did you start a blog, you may ask? That is because I just wanted to try. I am probably one of many people who would LOVE to have a blog that many people like to read in their spare time, (sometimes not even in their spare time) and I couldn't resist trying. But I've told myself to just write what's on my mind, whether there are two people reading, 100, or absolutely none. If there are people who like to read what I'm writing about, then that's great. But I'm not going to try to advertise it or whatever. 

I have to admit, I once tried to start a YouTube channel. Because of a Glee fan video I made a couple of years ago, I already had around 60 subscribers and I was very optimistic that it would increase as long as I didn't stop making video's. Guess what? I stopped. To me, I sound like a quitter right now. And I probably am one. No, I know I am one. And I really hope I won't stop blogging. But I didn't quit YouTube because I felt like I'd be trying forever and it wouldn't make any difference. I stopped because the finding a video-idea, filming, and the editing took me so long that I didn't have time for other schoolwork. And the dedicated schoolgirl in me (sigh) told me to focus on school. I didn't stop having the dream of becoming a YouTuber. Today I was reading a lot of blogs, which I normally don't even have the patience for, and I figured that I could start one myself. Just to write my thoughts down, clear things up, etc. It's also less time consuming as YouTube, and maybe people will even like reading what I write. so that's why this blog now exists. I have no idea if i will keep posting, or if I will keep having fun writing. That's why I'm not going to do anything to advertise my blog. I'm afraid that if I do, I will be focusing too much on the advertising part instead of the writing part, which also happened a little bit during the whole YouTube fase. When I'm only focusing on the writing part, I'll be myself, and if there are people who like me writing about things that pop up in my head, without having to think about what I should do next and trying to attract as much readers as I can, then I'll be even more motivated to keep going. But, even IF that's going to happen, that'll be waaay into the future. We'll see what happens. 

For now, I'm just a girl with a lot on her mind and a big love for cats.

Just me,

Just meow.